See also my blogpost on

• with%%well-protected livelihood,y FOMO[deep dive] — same theme
• [[Brad’s status]] resonating movie for me ,
• income+cost levels: biased views@Chinese peers,
• ffree]US=unrealistic4many 华裔 middle-class

After talking to Gary.Guo, I realized that I could be ffree but not free from peerComp pain — when I notice so-called “peers” earning a lot higher, and their families enjoying those things I used to dismiss as unnecessary… I would feel FOMO/FOLB i.e. left behind in the slow track. I think Henry.Yin also said that RMB 500k salary felt too low for an unmarried tech worker. I would hear similar sentiments if I talk to more people.

On one hand, minimum acceptable food[1] cost is dropping globally, and I have way more than enough income to survive. On the other hand I feel lousy seeing some so-called “peers” earning 20 times more than that minimum, and twice my salary. Each of them seems to complain about cost of living.

[1] see globalization reducing minimum cost@acceptableFood

FOMO … The tendency to feel envious, and the tendency to compare to our neighbors are … basic human tendencies. Even a child would experience that. However, it takes a rational mind (wisdom) to control the tendency. Other people’s envy is the damper of my bare-bones ffree.

If we don’t compare to the (wrong) peer group we CAN actually feel pretty comfortable and carefree, basking in a glowing self-esteem.

So why do we choose to engage in the unnecessary comparison? In this question, I’m confronting the paradox of my adulthood. In pursuit of a more rational perception, I have a chance to find and restore some balance in my world view. I feel Theordore Rubin’s books shed some light. He introduced some good descriptors.

This is a confusing, subtle topic, with multiple layers. One of the analytical techniques is a list of questions.

Q: How much monthly (passive) income is enough ? Note Annual income is not very granular.
A: Philip Che said $5k would be comfortable for a family of 4. Wife said 4-5k for my family of 4, as discussed in SG: bare-bones ffree=realistic #WBank^wife^Che^3k

In the Chinese middle class family burn rate the single biggest poisonous element is top schools. Top schools entail humongous housing cost [1] + college funding. This single element has the (destructive) power to transform a carefree life into a stressful, miserable life.

Q: What did grandpa say when I said my son would go to an average American school while other immigrant Chinese families mostly live in top school districts?

Q: What would the early-retirement-extreme author say?

[1] actually you may be able to rent in a top school district.

— Q: With my low burn rate of, say, 3-5k, what if my wife earns 3k and I earn 6k from work like the Teo family? In theory my carefree easy life would be sustainable but would I really find Peace?

Main street tech jobs pay about SGD 5k.

A: I think most people in that situation would probably feel below-average in salary, and unsatisfied. Those without kids or not yet over the peak would feel /wasted/ at that salary.

With 9k salary, some exclusive “clubs” would reject my family members.

— See also the blogpost on khmer villagers and similar cultures in SEA, Latin America, and some Buddhist cultures — more satisfied, less striving.